Episode #2
Episode #2
Does pretty Jessica Simpson have a brain? Who the hell pays $750 for three pieces of underwear? On this episode, Jessica was shopping for sexy lingerie because Nick was off auditioning hot dancers for his videos and she felt that she needed something extra to turn him on. The silly girl selects 2 thongs and bra (apparently without looking at the price tags) and takes them to the counter where they ring up to the grand total of $746.00. Outside the story, she calls Nick and tells him in a panicky voice,'Honey, I just spent $750 on underwear, I'm so sorry, I didn't know how much they were..'
Nick (who actually seems rather smart but not intelligent enough to avoid marrying Jessica) tells her to take them back, but Jessica tells him that the store won't take back underwear. Barely holding back frustrated tear, she walks to her Mercedes in a daze and gets in.
Next, she drives to the studio where Nick is auditioning lots of hot dancers. Jessica stares down the sexy babes with her beedy little ferret eyes. Later, she'll tell Nick that she felt some of the girls giving her 'attitude'.
After a quick commercial break, Nick is seen rehearsing his new single 'Shut Up' with the foxy dancers. Jessica is jealously waiting in the wings, whining and moaning that those women 'had better watch where they're touching' her man. After having her fill of seeing her man molested by the pack of wanton hussies, Jessica mewls into the ear of Nick's publicist that the routine needs to be toned down because it is not appropriate for strange women to be caressing Nick due to his recent marriage - he had a public image to protect. The publicist relays this message to Nick's manager and the brazen whores are instructed to keep their filthy paw's off Jessica's Nick during the dance routine. Lil Jessy looks happy after this.
Jessica and Nick then rehearse their duet. As usual, Nick is a little frustrated with her, but they manage to get through it without another major argument occuring (a recurring theme of 'Newlyweds' is Nick's frustration with his young virgin bride's immaturity).
Fast forward to a Century City, CA show the dynamic duo are doing for the USO. Prior to the show, they a decamped in a hotel room (with Jessica's Mommy and Daddy) getting ready. Once in the room, Jessica complains that she has not eaten all day. Nick tiredly asks her to stop bitching and to just deal with it. Jessica's Mom tells her the same thing, so Jessica says with a pout, 'I'm not bitching!' In her perky school voice, Jessica tells Nick, 'Screw you.'
Jessica lays on the bed with her Mommy, who pats her hair and kisses her. Nick wants to watch the game and Jessica whinnies and says,'Oh, Nick, let's watch a movie'.
They argue back and forth for a few seconds after which Nick, in an attempt to keep his sanity, says,'Ok fine, I'll watch it in the dancers room'. (The sexy dancers from the rehearsal are in the show today.)
Jessica cries, 'Ok, fine then Nick'.
After Nick leaves the room, Jessica tells her Mom that if Nick ever cheats on her she won't cut his dick off, she'll shoot it off.
Later, Nick goes down an rehearses his song with the dancers. Jessica goes down and stares at Nick's dancers with an ugly chipmunk pout on her face. Jessy obviously does not like other women messing with her man.
Finally, its show time and Jessica bitches that Nick has already walked down to the stage area without her. She complains,'Well, he could have told me that he was already going down! Why didn't he tell me?'
Could it be that her bitching and whining would have made him kill her? Probably.
Nick gives a great performance with the dancer, and then Jessica goes onstage. Her onstage banter includes self involved remarks about her recent marriage; then, in a fit of bizarre jealousy, she explains that since Nick had the sexy dancers on stage, she will invite a guy with a beer belly and baseball cap on stage while she sings her biggest hit, 'I Wanna Love You Forever'.
Back at home, she asks Nick,'Do you think I'm as sexy as your pussy car doll dancers?' He says, 'Yes'. Jessica, with all her raging insecurities, has to force the issue by saying, 'Are you sure?' Nick, who good naturedly decided to play with Jessica's head, replies,'You're sexier than all of them maybe except for one.'
Nick decides he might as well make use of Jessica; he picks her up, throws her over his shoulder and carries her up the stairs. During this trip, Jessica protests a bit and says teasingly, 'Do you want to get laid?' (Ewww, what a yucky thought!!)
The show closes with previews of next weeks episode. Jessica is shown with a $2300 Louis Vitton bag, chewing gum on a camping trip to Big Bear. Nick is heard intoning,'I have a five year plan to get her unspoiled'. Good luck, Nick!
Posted by inthestars at September 10, 2003 04:19 AM
